From kinky to BDSM

First thing's first: You have to have a discussion with your partner before you venture into BDSM territory. You should definitely keep an open mind to things, but of course, never do anything that you're not OK with.

Once you've laid the groundwork for your dos and don'ts, then you should head to the closest sex shop for props, right? Not quite. When you're a beginner, you want to start slow with items you can find anywhere in your house. If you're a newbie, start with these first few tips before upgrading your bedroom play to more advanced maneuvers.

Bind, blind, and tease. Grab a few scarves or old T-shirts and tie your partner's hands (or have them tie yours) to the bed or a chair. You want the knots to be tight enough to restrict your movements but easy to break out of if you need to, says Fuller. Next, cover the eyes so that the person being bound can't see what's coming. Then stimulate their erogenous zones with an ice cube, feather, candle wax, or vibrator. You could also try oral or manual stimulation.

The point is that the person tied up is totally relinquishing control, which can be a turn on for many people. A lot of people have this misconception that the person who's in control in life all the time wants control in the bedroom, but often that's quite the opposite. They want to sit back, relax, and give up [control] to their partner. Just make sure you pay close attention to see how your partner is responding to your moves.

Get hit on. Interested in spanking?

While an open-hand touch can work fine, using something a little firmer—say, a wooden spoon, paddle, or spatula—adds a new and unusual element to sex. Test out different rhythms. Go from slow to fast and soft to hard—you can always switch it up depending on you (or your partner's) comfort level.

You can also have your partner tap different areas of your body—like your breasts—using the object-of-choice while they're performing oral sex. This creates a sensual mixture of light pain and sexual stimulation at the same time.

A long period of domination will feel a lot more real and intense than short bursts of spanking.

Spring for better equipment. If you’ve given kink a thorough shot and you want to take your game to the next level, the best way to up the ante is to upgrade your gear. Ditch your paddle for a flogger and your scarves for leather shackles or handcuffs (with a spare set of keys!). These kink-designed props provide sensations that you’ve never been exposed to before.

Or go equipment-free. Consider this the ultimate test of self-control: Lie completely still on the bed—as long as you're in a comfortable position—and let your partner have at you. They should be free to control your body and movements—you're basically the human version of an inflatable sex doll. As difficult as it might be to silence yourself or resist wiggling around, this technique builds up the sexual tension between you and your partner until you can't keep cool any longer. Who knows, you might discover a hidden pleasure of theirs you never suspected. But if your partner tries to do something you're not into, it's obviously alright to break character and let them know.